Dating is a process of life. Everyone does it, yet not everyone does it right, especially Christians. Dating is a beautiful way for you to get to know someone else and for you to get to know yourself. However, dating can also be an express lane for you to lose your faith in Jesus. If you’re a Christian, you’ve probably heard that Christians should only date other Christians.

Young couple sitting on bench outdoor.

Why can’t Christians date non-Christians?

I could throw out Bible verses on dating, but I won’t.

The truth is, the Bible says nothing about dating. The concept of dating is a modern idea and obviously wasn’t around in Bible times.

Many love to use a verse 2 Corinthians 6:14 (“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.“) to say that we shouldn’t date anyone who doesn’t love Jesus, but that’s not what that verse is talking about. Instead, that verse says that our business partners shouldn’t be anyone who doesn’t love Jesus.

You can say that you’re pulling a principle, but you’re also making the Bible say something that it’s not saying, which is not something I want to do. God doesn’t want us to date anyone who doesn’t love Jesus and I don’t think the best reason is something that can be inferred from taking a Bible verse out of context.

Couple hugging outdoors

So, what is the best reason for not dating someone who doesn’t love Jesus?

I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t love Jesus because He is so important to me that not knowing Him means you wouldn’t truly know me.

The Christian life is about fixing our eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2). Everything we say and do should be for the glory of Jesus. He must be at the center of everything we do and at the foundation. Jesus is King.

What does this have to do with dating?

Dating is about getting to know someone who potentially might become your spouse.

Some people date to have fun, while others date to find someone to bang, but I’m dating to find someone to spend the rest of my life with.

I don’t have much money, so I’m not just going to buy dinner for any girl off the Taco Bell value menu. I have standards. haha.

I’m only dating someone who I can see working out long term. And I know for a fact that if she doesn’t love Jesus, then there is no shot we can work long term, since Jesus is my king.

Jesus means everything to me. I truly mean that. My greatest joy is feeling His presence in my life. I love when I read in the Bible about Jesus walking and talking to people. That brings me so much joy, since He always proves to me that He is worthy of praise. His interactions with people blow me away.

I also love seeing His fingerprints throughout my life. I love seeing when Jesus answers a prayer, but also when He doesn’t answer a prayer, then I try to find out what He is trying to teach me, which is also an incredible joy for me.

Like I wrote before, Jesus is everything to me and I couldn’t even consider dating someone who doesn’t love Jesus. I will want to talk about all that Jesus is doing in my life, but she wouldn’t understand it. Thus, she wouldn’t truly understand me.

South Africa, Cape Town, Rear view of young couple sitting at beach

So, should people date someone, then bring them to Jesus?

If the wisest person not named Jesus, King Solomon, was lead astray by romantic relationships with women who didn’t love the LORD (1 Kings 11), then why do you think it’s a good idea?

Sure, we all know someone who has come to Jesus because of their spouse, but that’s not a good reason to do it.

The Bible, especially Proverbs, talks a lot about having the closest people in your life being Godly people (Proverbs 12:26, 13:20, 14:6-7). Friendship is about having commonality between two people and nothing is a more significant similarity than both having Jesus has your foundation of your life. If Jesus is your foundation, then your relationship is more likely to not fall apart. This is why Christians shouldn’t date anyone who doesn’t love Jesus.

If you’re okay with dating someone who doesn’t love Jesus, then you’re also okay with not talking about Jesus, praying for each other, going to church together, and, most of all, you’re okay with having this relationship be something that grows the both of you more into who Jesus wants you to be. If they don’t love Jesus, then none of that will happen. And if that’s okay by you, then something is wrong with your relationship with Jesus, since He is obviously not the foundation of your life.

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Missionary dating or whatever you call it is a lame excuse for trying to hide the fact that you don’t think the Bible is right about having the closest people in your life be Godly people. You rationalize by saying that you know times where it worked, but there’s also far more times when it doesn’t work.

If Jesus is your King, then your life should show that. And dating someone who doesn’t love Jesus doesn’t show a life that is fixed on Jesus.

Jordan Kranda
Follower of Jesus. Husband to Ariel. Master’s of Theology (Greek Track) Graduate. Future Pastor. Present lover of cheese, Blink-182, & watching sports.

30 COMMENTS

  1. Hi Jordan. your articles are amazing but there are two things i want to point out to you with proofs.
    firstly, the ”do not be equally yoked with unbelievers” verse of the bible is not talking just about business but very importantly about dating and marriage. it has been preached about in church so many times by different men of God and my spirit is in alignment with it cos watever your spirit doesnt accept,is not following God’s word provided you are born again.
    secondly,the moment Jesus was endued with power solomon ceased to be the wisest man ever. cos the bible says Jesus always knew what to do and MATTHEW12:42 is my proof
    i think you should rethink the use of the word ”bang” it sounds………..not so cool for a christian article. i understand you want to be plain but words have effrects. thanks

  2. Straight on point!i guess I didn’t have all the reasons sorted out like u do but I don’t want to date a man who isn’t after God’s heart!thanks so much for this post,I needed it.God bless u n ur mission

  3. This really hit home. Thanks for writing this. Several times I’ve courted the idea of dating people who may have said a prayer when they were younger and had been to church before, but didn’t live like they were christians and I’ve never been sure about the whole “missionary dating” thing and I’m glad I read this.

  4. I have mixed feelings about this for two reasons, the first is come from an interfaith family. My mother was Jewish, my Father, a Catholic. I think personally if religion isn’t a factor in the couple lives, it is more likely to work. The second is if G-d is omnipotent, wouldn’t these relationships be apart of his plan or will?

  5. I actually cracked up at this post. Too real but also ver hilarious. Yes! I love everything about this post. I can say this is my favorite so far. *still laughing so hard*

  6. So, what’s your point?
    1. You begin by advising against dating a non-Christian. (Definitely fair if you’re a Christian)
    2. You proceed to generalize that dating a non-Christian will most likely lead you away from Jesus. (Yeah, where’s the data to support this? I also suppose, based on this, you would generalize that every couple has exactly the same interests, hobbies, and activities because that’s the way the world works. OR, how about this: If someone loves Jesus, starts dating someone who doesn’t love Jesus, then starts to not love Jesus, maybe that person didn’t actually love Jesus to begin with. But of course Christians can never take the blame for his or her own shortcomings: “It was God’s plan for me… Errr, no, it was the devil. The devil tricked me into dating that slampiece.”)
    3. By the end, dating a non-Christian is then described as a sin. (Very interesting that “loving” Christians take a “with us or against us stance.”)

    This is drivel is click bait from a self-described social media sinner (see: http://d.pr/n1).

    • Just because Christians are loving people doesn’t mean they should be able to have intimate relationships with anyone. A Christian should love all non-Christians, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to love them in the dating sense. We love our enemies but don’t follow what they do.

  7. This is SO true. Coming out of a 5 year relationship where I told myself he was a Christian more than he actually was proved itself later. I wasn’t in God where I needed to be, but I was still definitely a believer. He claimed to be, but lived nothing of it. 5 years later after me changing my life to live for God as best I know how, he changed and decided he was an atheist. It will ALWAYS come to the surface when we’re unequally yolked. Never making that mistake again.

  8. I have been dating a woman for a couple of years. Neither of us were Christians in the sense of being all about God when we started dating. I am now. She is not. I have changed while dating her and she feels like I am not what was advertised. I cannot argue as I am not the same now. But it has caused great rifts in our relationship and I find myself trying to defend myself and my newfound love for Christ, much to her displeasure. I guess I need to walk away. It is very hard though and I feel torn about it because I keep thinking Jesus loved everyone and I should too. But your points are valid and the equal yoking verse speaks to me and has spoken to me for awhile now. Thank you for your post and insights. I just want to follow God. I want her too, as well but as I am finding out that may not happen no matter how much I try to set a good example or show her God’s love.

    • Hey James. You seem very insightful. You know what you have to do: walk away. That doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve been in your spot. It’s not easy. I’ll be praying for you. God bless.

  9. Hey, thanks for writting this article. I was trying to understand why smart devout christian woman won’t date me. At first I thought is was because of my race. I’m black. And I know for conservatives thats taboo. But know I know very thoughtful, hard working, christian woman are putting GOD first be not giving me chance to get to know them. I would say most Christians are not very deliberate or knowledgeable about there faith, they just talke it for granted because thats how thier community/family raised them to beleive..

    Me? I was raised to be a Christian–but I’ve long past stop associating myself with the Christian faith and its many denominations. Although I understand and value Christ’s Example, I have a strong distaste for organized religion—or factional organized spirituality. In my young life, in all the different denominations(black-Baptist, white-new reform-progressive,) I participated in, they all seemed to compete and exclude–which is not what I think a spiritual movement should foster, nor was it the example of Christ.
    I don’t like the idea of exclusionary communities; it creates contrasts and barriers that should not exist in my opinion. So much of my adult volunteering and public service has been secular in nature–because of this notion. I find my faith comforting to myself, and it keeps me motivated—but I don’t exclude perspective or use it as a prism for all my thoughts. As for it being required to get into heaven–I stop believing in heaven or hell a long time ago. I don’t need to believe in those things to do the right thing. I believe in Life. I want to see human Life progress better, and I want to die knowing I helped it progress in some small or large ways.

    That being said its sad I run into many beautiful Christian woman who must denounce GOD-their family, their community . . . in the act of getting to know me an Unbeliever.

  10. This is so good! So true! We all want to make excuses and exceptions for ourselves when there shouldn’t be a need to in the first place. Loved this! So encouraging an straight forward, thank you!

  11. This is so good! So true! We all want to make excuses and exceptions for ourselves when there shouldn’t be a need to in the first place. Loved this! So encouraging an straight forward, thank you!

  12. God is always first and believing in him the best is sure to come …. your tweets and blogs are and encouragement and a reminder of how great God is and how important it is to make God number 1

  13. So somehow I came across you on Twitter just a few minutes ago under the normally pretty annoying and ignored “Who to Follow” panel. I’ve only read this blog and two others and I’m already in love with your blogs. As a blogger, I naturally love reading other blogs as well and you are honestly the best Blogger I have seen; no joke. Some blogs bore me to death, some aren’t written well, and some seemingly have no plot or point… yours are none of those and beyond. You know have a new follower (on Twitter and Blogs). Keep blogging!

    Be Blessed.

  14. So, I follow you on Twitter but I’ve never came across your website until today. This may seem weird, but I’ve been reading through your stuff for hours now! It has helped me out a lot because I relate to most of the stuff you post about on here. I hate to admit it, but especially this one. I am only 16 years old but I tend to fall for the older, edgy type of Non-Christian guys. My excuse was always that I’d lead them to God, but in the end I’d just get hurt each time and end up blaming it on Him. I know that’s not the way I should live and I just feel dumb for thinking that way. You don’t know how much I needed this. I thank you for your posts and I can’t tell you how happy I am that I came across your website. God bless you. 🙂

  15. This is so so good Jordan. I did the same thing last year, and realized what I was doing, and how sad it was that he didn’t know the love and God I did, and that he didn’t care to. I wish I could have a redo. But being patient is key as you have said. AMEN.

    • Thanks, Lis. I remember us briefly talking about that last year via twitter message. I’m glad you were mature enough to make that decision. Most don’t step away like you did. Good for you. Keep up the great work. We’ll hit up Korean BBQ soon!

  16. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. Lately I’ve been battling with myself about this whole topic. To date a non-Christian or not to that is question. Deep in my soul I knew that it was flat out wrong; but there was something in me that was like “eh, what if I don’t EVER find that Christ-following guy? I have to have SOMEONE!” But I do already and that’s Him. Why on earth would I be having that conversation with myself? I feel if ”I don’t find that guy than I will settle for whatever.” wow, I’m so stupid.
    Another problem is pressure from family and friends, but especially family. I’ve never dated once in my entire life and I’m 22 (how pathetic is that?!). I’m constantly pressured by my siblings to go out with guys that aren’t even Christians; they’re probably atheists for all I know. I feel like I should because “I’m such a loser for never having a boyfriend etc. and it would be good for me.” No it won’t. Because if a me being a Christian is stupid enough to potentially go out with a non-believer, I could end up marrying a non-believer. I just cannot do that. I’m so sick of wrestling with the flesh me.
    thanks for posting this, you have a gift man. Continue using it!

    • You’re not stupid, you’re human. I’ve have those similar conversations with myself. And 22 isn’t old to not have a boyfriend. I’ve heard many of guys/girls who are you in a similar spot as you. Patient is key. You’re being great at patience. Keep it up. And when a good Christian guy shows up on your radar, then maybe go on a date with him. All in His timing, of course. Don’t beat yourself up, LC. You need to love yourself more. You can’t expect a guy to love you, if you don’t even love yourself. I’m single,too. It’s a great time to grow in the LORD, work on improving myself, and just enjoy life. Good things for in store for you. I just know it. God bless you, LC.

  17. My main thing is having a family that goes to church and loves God and lives for him, how could I do that if I marry a man who doesn’t love the Lord as I do? (and I wouldn’t date someone if I couldn’t see them as a potential spouse). But the thought never occurred to me that loving someone that DOESNT love Jesus… means youre not putting Jesus first. And we’re suppose to Love God among everything else (as the bible says). Thanks for bringing this out! such a smart young man you are! Godbless

  18. This is amazingly true and I completely agree! I also quoted it a lot on my personal Twitter (I hope that says it all!) Good job! Keep speaking the truth and following Christ!

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