Friends offer a sense of reality when assessing the person we’re dating.
When you’re dating someone, you will probably miss some of their imperfections, especially if you’re “falling” for them. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s actually expected. You enjoy spending time with them and you might even think they could be “the one”, so you focus on the good, while suppressing the bad. This is when friends are valuable.
Your friends aren’t falling for the person you’re dating.
- You might see assertiveness, but they see controlling.
- You might see a “sweetheart”, but they see an act.
- You might see family-oriented, but they see someone who won’t leave the nest.
- You might see confidence, but they see cockiness.
Friends give us a dose of reality that is needed while dating.
We won’t date just to have a friend.
When you have lots of friends, you’re satisfying your relational need through many avenues. We have a relational need, since God created us in His nature (Gen. 1:27). God exists within the Trinity and it is within that community-oriented nature that we are born into. This is why God explicitly says, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18). We need people.
If we have many friends, we’re already fulfilled in our basic relational need department, so this frees us up to make a clearer judgment on who we’re dating.
If we decide to be single, we know that we have a group of friends who will be there for us. However, if we don’t have many friends, our judgment will be impaired. The main avenue where our relational need is being fulfilled is through the person we’re dating, so we will want to to keep them around (i.e. consciously or unconsciously). You don’t want to be alone, so you put up with someone you have no business dating.
This is why friends are crucial when you’re dating. You have a group of people to satisfy your relational need, whether you’re single or dating someone. This will make you have a clearer judgment.
Seeing your date hang out with your friends is crucial.
Time spent with your date shows you a lot about them. One-on-one time is vital, since you can quickly see if you enjoy being around them. You will spend the rest of your life living intimately with and walking alongside of one person, so figuring out whether you can put up with being alone with them is critical. However. seeing your date interact with your friends is important, too.
Your friends are important to you, your date is important to you (or they are becoming important to you), so seeing them all in one setting is beneficial.
It’s important to see how your date interacts in a group setting (i.e. are they reserved?, are they “the life of the party”?, etc.). You can also see if they become jealous of those who talk to you.
They might want you to be by their side the entire night and they might also be wary of you talking to friends who are the opposite sex. For whatever the reason, you can see that this might get annoying after time, if not right away.
There are many things you can learn from seeing your date interact with your friends. These are just a couple. Your date might act one way with you, but another way when others are around, so this tip is important.
Advice from your friends can be a life-saver.
When I first became a Christian, I would skip out on any church related activity to spend time with this particular girl. I would bail on small group time, so that I could eat crappy food with her. Time with her was more important to me than time with Jesus. I had friends call me out in love and they got me back on the right track. This is what friends do.
Your friends can remind you to honor God in your relationship, they can help you to not make the same mistakes they have made, they can also give you general dating advice, and other advice-related things.
If you have Godly friends, make sure to use them when you can. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” We need wise counsel and we also need to not be afraid to seek it.
Friends give us a dose of reality when it comes to assessing the person we’re dating.
Friends satisfy our basic relational need, so we’re not only dating to have a friend.
Friends provide a good context to see our date interact with people we love.
Friends provide life-saving advice.
What are your thoughts?
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