A beauty part of dating is finding out what you like/dislike in someone you’re dating. You find out things like what you’re really attracted to and what you can’t stand in someone. Now, Christians have a unique challenge of figuring out what they want in someone they’re dating.
For example, I’ve heard some Christians say they wouldn’t date someone who has had sex. I’ve even heard of some ending relationships because they found out their partner has had sex before. Personally, I think that’s a bit ridiculous, but I understand we’re all different.
This post is about why I, as someone who hasn’t had sex, don’t care whether the girl I’m dating has had sex and why I think you also shouldn’t care about the sexual history of the person you’re dating.
How do I get over a girl’s sexual past? Well, it’s really quite simple. I start by listing my favorite things about her. That might be things like the way she looks at the world, her intelligence, her sarcastic comments, that she’s insanely beautiful, or maybe even the way she puts up with the random and stupid things I say. Whatever it might be, I list them out. And I ask you to do the same, if you’re struggling to look past your dates sexual history.
I look at the list of my favorite things about the girl I’m dating and think to myself, “Does her sexual past change any of my favorite things about her?”.
Does her sexual past change her intelligence? Are her sarcastic comments any less entertaining since she’s had sex? I do this with everything on my list of favorite things about her.
The answer is always no.
Their sexual past doesn’t change any the reasons why you’re attracted to your date.
What if a favorite thing you had about them was that you thought they hadn’t had sex?
Well, If something they haven’t done is a favorite thing you have about them, then you probably should think about whether you really like them or your idea of them. You should be focusing on who they are, not what they haven’t done. I find it kinda creepy if their lack of a sexual history is a favorite thing. Sure, it might be something cool about them, but it really shouldn’t be a favorite thing.
My favorite things about a girl never include anything related to her sexual history. And yours shouldn’t either.
Maybe that helps you a bit, but you still find yourself not being able to get over their sexual past? I have some more things to help you.
You say the person you’re dating is pretty much perfect except this one little blemish, but what makes you think you’ll find all those things you find perfect about them in someone else?
What gives you the right to not forgive someone for something that Jesus has already forgiven? It’s like you’re disagreeing with Jesus when He’s forgiven them.
He says the sin done with, yet you want to bring the sin back into discussion. I wonder if you act the same way with sin you’ve been forgiven of?
“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”― C.S. Lewis
To be like Christ is to forgive like Christ and not forgiving someone for their sexual past isn’t Christlike at all.
You might be reading this and think that there are times when it’s completely wise to actually avoid dating someone due to their sexual past. And I would actually agree! I once went on a couple of dates with this one girl and found out that a week before our first date she was banging some dude from our work. Needless to say, I throw up the deuces to her and moved on (aka straight towards a nearby Taco Bell).
If their sexual past is more like their sexual present, then throw up those deuces and move on.
One last thing, you might think that the fact that they’ve had sex with someone will somehow diminish the sex you’ll have on your wedding night, but it won’t. The sex they had will be different from the sex you’ll have. They have had sex, but they haven’t made love yet. They might even say they were in love, but Biblically speaking they really weren’t in love.
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” – 1 Corinthians 13:7
The Bible says true love never gives up, but they’re with you, which means they gave up on their past romantic relationships. In other words, they weren’t in love. However, if you’re truly in love with them and see past their sexual past and get married, you’ll make love on your wedding night, instead of merely having sex.
The physical intimacy you’ll experience on your wedding night will surpass anything the both of you have ever experienced.
Sex before marriage is like diet cheese, while sex in marriage is like velveeta cheese. A piece of velveeta cheese makes you forget about any past diet cheese you once had.
Sex is a beautiful thing that is meant to be enjoyable, but it’s also intended for those within he commitment of marriage. Therefore, once you have sex in the way it was intended to be enjoyed (i.e. in marriage), then you won’t be looking back to any diet cheese you once had.
Someone’s sexual past doesn’t define a person.
The forgiveness of Jesus is real. If He has already forgiven them, then you should, too.
Their sexual past doesn’t change your favorite things about them.
The diet cheese they’ve had won’t affect the velveeta cheese they’ll have with you.