Over the past summer, I’ve discovered I have a fondness for love stories. The Fault In Our Stars was the first love story I had ever read, and it captured my heart. I’ve seen it more times than I’d like to admit.
I had always hated love stories, but, for some reason, things changed.
This fondness quickly led me to read three books by Nicholas Sparks, the love Doctor, and I’m currently reading another one by him.
I have been profoundly bewildered by the joy I’ve felt as I’ve flipped through the pages of these tales of hearts being pursued and romantic feelings manifesting in lifelong love.
I’ve pondered why these stories of young love have become such a treat for me. What is so special about these books that I can’t seem to get them off my mind? Why has these stories explored uncharted territory within my soul? Why have these books made me feel a sense of warmth that I have never felt before? These are the questions that have communed with me in the late hours of the night, as sleep evades me and puzzlement invades me.
I haven’t been able to come up with an answer . . . until now. The answer is something that I haven’t told anyone, and I only told myself a few minutes ago.
To be honest, I don’t have the strength or the courage to say it, but writing has always been a way for the secrets of my soul to spill out. My mouth wouldn’t dare to say it, but my fingertips would dare to type it.
Here it is, here I lay down my soul.
I’ve dated girls, but they never pan out. When things will these girls would get past a certain point, I would gradually drift away and eventually back out. Needless to say, the longest relationship I’ve been in was four months, which is a mere breath in the dating world.
Friends and family have always wondered why this has been the case. Some have assumed I’m just having bad luck. Others think I’m too picky. And still a few think nothing much about it. Well, they’re all wrong.
I’m single now as a calculated effort. I’m purposefully not in a serious relationship. I’m exactly where I want to be.
I haven’t desired a serious girlfriend, nor have I even come remotely close to that. I have wanted to be with girls, but only on a noncommittal level. A date here and three, but that would be all.
However, I’ve tried to better myself and grow into the man my future wife deserves. Therefore, I’ve changed the errors of my dating ways, yet I’ve still evaded commitment from girls. I even recently decided to give up on the idea of pursing a serous girlfriend for several years, as I seek to acquire my academic degree(s). For example, I’ve prayed that I wouldn’t meet my future wife till I was in my thirties. This was my way of attempting to conceal the thing that these love stories were about to reveal to me.
As I have flipped through pages of love stories, I’ve discovered that, for the first time in my life, I strongly wish to have a serious girlfriend.
As I read about a relationship beginning to flourish, I want to mirror what I’m reading. These books have truly propelled me to want to hold nothing back on dates. I’ve held back with a girl because I haven’t wanted to go forward with a girl. However, that is no more. Things have changed and there is no going back.
I’m fed up with Starbucks being the place where I dump girls (I know, I deserve to be slapped), and instead I want Starbucks to become the place where I sip on a feverishly hot cup of over-priced liquid tar as I listen to that special someone speak about the random occurrences that consume her mind.
I’m fed up with the shallow side of the relationship pool, and instead I want something deeper, something more fulfilling. I want to proceed into the far reaches of the relationship pool that force me to venture off into a land I have never been before, the land of commitment.
This is what these love stories have taught me.
I’m been running from the truth, but I’m done running.
I’m no longer putting off a serious relationship.
I’m finally willing to start a serious relationship when God wants, and I actually pray it’s soon. I’ve wanted to wait till I’m thirty, yet now I wouldn’t mind it coming today at twelve-thirty.
Love stories have freed me from the shackles of excuses and revealed the true state of affairs of my heart.
Thanks for listening to my heart pour out through this post.