Being single can be a wonderful time in your life when you learn a lot about yourself and grow closer to Jesus. However, being single can also just plain suck. You’ve done your soul-searching, grown closer to Jesus, and learned a lot about yourself. The main thing you’ve learned is that it’s about that time to start looking for “that” relationship. Unfortunately, we’re single and we hate it.

This blog is the six things to remember when you’re upset at being single.

You feel lonely, but you’re not alone.

ByeKit_1960w

Everywhere we look we see couples holding hands and ordering one shake with two straws (How dare they?). Then, we look at our present situation. My hand isn’t being held, but instead it’s holding the television remote. And I’m being a fatty by ordering two shakes and drinking them with one straw (aka “Singleness Level 99”). In dark storms like these, we feel most alone. However, that is just not true.

Before Jesus left the disciples to return to Heaven, He said to them (and to us), “I am with you always” (Matthew 28:20). Jesus never leaves our side, especially in the storm. He grabs a seat right next to us and buckles up for the ride.

We may feel lonely, but we’re never alone.

You need to trust God more.

The fact that we’re upset about being single shows that we’re not fully trusting Jesus. If we had complete trust in His plan, then we would know that everything would work out and we’d live happily ever after. We’d also know that His way was better than our way, but, let’s just be real, that’s not what’s happening right now. We upset at God. We think we could do God’s job better than God Himself. Allow the absurdity of that statement convict you because it sure convicts me.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

Every good gift comes from God (James 1:17) and our wife/husband is a good gift. God will send our good gift onto our path when the time is right. God’s timing is better than our timing. I know you’ve heard that, but it might be time that you finally start believing it.

Don’t settle just because you may feel desperate.

Students in the library studying together

As you see everyone dating around you, you might begin to think that you need to lower your standards. You think that maybe you’re single because you’ve set the bar too high for anyone to reach. That might be true in some way, but my specific point is focused on not giving up on what matters most. You’ve always dreamed about being with someone who loves the LORD, but you think that maybe dating a non-Christian wouldn’t be the worst thing. I mean, what if you convert them later in life and everything works out?

I’ve had friends who have dated non-Christians just because they just couldn’t find any Christian they liked. This is a major mistake. You’re seeking to romantically open yourself up to someone who is closed off to Jesus. You’re passionate about Jesus, yet you can see yourself being happy with someone who rejects Jesus. Something is wrong. However, we’ve all been where you’re at. I wrote another post entitled, “Why Christians Can’t Date Non-Christians” (read it here). Check that post out if you haven’t.

Having those temptations is one thing, but acting on them is another thing.

You might have to re-prioritize what you want in a perspective mate. Tattoos might have been a big no-no for you before, but now you’re willing to look beyond them. You might have been particular about hair color and height, but now you’re willing to look beyond them. However, you must never “look beyond” the fact that someone isn’t looking to Jesus in their life.

Jesus is King. Honor the King with who you date.

Don’t be that typical bitter single person.

You’re single, but that doesn’t define who you are. Stop complaining about how you’re single and stop posting pathetic “#ForeverAlone” and “I’m always a third wheel” Facebook status’.

“Oh dang. I really thought that girl was cute, but now seeing all her #ForeverAlone tweets has made me see that I love her” – said no guy ever.

You’re bitterness isn’t attractive to anyone.

Guys, if you’re single and you tweet about being “#ForeverAlone”, then everyone is laughing at you. Posting them only reinforces why you’re single. If you don’t like being single, then go get a date. Girls have to wait for a guy to ask them out, but you just have to wait for you to stop being pathetic.

Also, it’s funny that you’re complaining about being single when you really should be thankful for that breath you just took. And by funny I mean sad. Your life is filled with countless blessings, but you don’t see any of them. People are literally dying everyday of hungry and you’re complaining because you’re eating your food alone.

I’m just as convicted as you feel right now. We all could be more grateful.

Think primarily about what God wants in you, not what you want in a perspective mate.

Better pay close attention to this

The temptation that comes with being single is to obsess about figuring out what you truly want in a spouse. This is good, but this shouldn’t be your focus. Our main focus should be working on becoming who God wants us to be, not only think about who we want God to give us.

Ladies, if you want a prince, then work at becoming a princess.
Guys, if you want a princess, then work at becoming a prince.

Become the person your spouse deserves.

Your focus needs to be on you and God.

You might like this idea, but you don’t know where to start. Well, working on practicing the fruits of the Spirit is a good starting ground.

Galatians 5:22-23 says, “the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

How good are you at being peaceful? How much self-control do you have? How much kindness do you show others?

These are the kinds of question you need to consume yourself with, instead of questions like “Does it matter to me if my spouse isn’t a fan of the Lakers?”.

Our focus should be working on becoming who God wants us to be, not only think about who we want God to give us.

If you’re not happy single, then you won’t be happy in a relationship.

If you think being in a relationship will solve all your problems, then you will be disappointed. Romantic relationships magnify our problems, instead of erasing our problems. Allowing another set of eyes into your life will only show more problems about yourself. You don’t put two imperfect people into one relationship and expect it to be a perfect relationship. Things won’t be perfect and that’s ok.

The person you’re dating will see problems in your life that you don’t even see. This is the beauty of romantic relationships: you help each other rid the sin from your life in order to become the people you were destined to be. However, this growth is not always pleasant.

A relationship won’t solve all your problems. You have to get that.

Learn to find joy in your singleness. It’ll benefit you in your singleness and in your marriage.

Jordan Kranda
Follower of Jesus. Engaged to Ariel. Church Intern. Graduate Student. Writing A Sexual Purity Book.

16 COMMENTS

  1. *Puts my emotional eating chocolate bar down*. Excellent article Jordan. I’m guilty of a lot of these things. Loneliness itself is a is the reason for most people’s sins. And you’re totally right. If we unhappy with ourselves, a relationship will only magnify it. Thanks for enlightening us.

    • I’m right there with you. I’ve been guilty of everyone of these. Thanks for your kind words. I appreciate it.

  2. great post man….. I’m single and will most likely remain single, but often wish I wasn’t… I needed this

  3. What a great post. Often times we forget that running toward Jesus is the most important thing. Can you write on what it means to be made in the image of God? Like how our identity should lie in Him.

  4. Great article! It helps reinforce why I’m doing my best to not let being single when almost everyone I know is getting married and engaged. It really hit home for me, thank you.

  5. Thank you for this article! It used to bother me immensely that I’m single and it seems like everyone I know is getting engaged/married. Like there was something wrong with me, ya know? But I’ve come to terms with it, and I am learning to cherish this time with just me and God. It’s so nice knowing I’m not the only one in this position 🙂 God bless you, Jordan!

  6. i like what you put i really do but with me i just am scared i know in my heart and soul god with bring me someone who is worth being in my life who will love me for me not my looks or words but the love that god has put in my heart just for him noone else its all in how you want to look at things i have only been in two relatioships am i lonely i may think that but when i do i always say no im not despreat no not at all i know in my heart god has someone wonderful out there for me just have to wait tell he says hi and i have been for about three goin on four now it will happen cause i have faith in my god i have been through to much not to deserve a good man in my life and im willing to keep waiting thank you this helped my point of view more i knew most of it just happy read that someone feels the same as me

  7. Thank you for following me on Twitter. I’m so glad that I’ve had the opportunity to read some of your blog posts (especially this one). Sometimes you know things, but you need someone else to lay it out clearly for it to hit home. I’m single and I hate it. But reading this post made me realise that it’s not about what I want when I want it. It’s about what God wants for me, in His time.

    So thank you for writing this, and I’m looking forward to reading your other posts 🙂

  8. I seriously needed to read this. Thank you helping me get my head screwed on straight. I need to stop being so selfish and get my focus back on God instead of what i want and think i need. Thank you!!!

  9. This is exactly what I needed to hear, right when I needed to hear it. Crazy how The Lord works, isn’t it? Thank you very much Jordan!

  10. Wow,this is really true hey. Focus back to God,Always thougt that maybe my standards are to high or something,But I know now that I seek his kingdom first. He will give me all the desires of my heart. Thanx Jordan 🙂

  11. Thank you for sharing this Jordan 🙂
    I was going through a rough time of being single so I googled “What to do if you are upset being single” and your blog came up. After reading it, I felt like I had a new perspective and brought myself back and said, “It’s not so bad being single. I can work on myself as I wait for my future man.”
    Thanks again! 🙂

  12. I have been on my own for 7 years and it only just clicked last night, after a very long conversation with God that it’s ok as I am not really on my own.

  13. Perfectly said.
    I just had a conversation about this with a friend the other day. There is so much joy in our singleness. When we start to feel lonely and insecure that’s when we no it’s not a singleness “problem” but a relational problem–with Jesus– that we need to fix. From my experiences, when I start to feel lonely in my singleness I immediately spend time in scripture and I “feel better”–meaning, I re-fix my eyes on Him.
    Great post. I love it.

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