Imagine yourself looking to pay someone to build your dream house. You’re recently got married and you’re looking to build the house where you’ll raise your future kids and grow old in. Needless to say, you’d want to make sure the house is built correctly and all the proper precautions are taken in the building process.
This will be a time-consuming process, but imagine a contractor who tells you they can build your dream house in three weeks. If you’re thinking correctly, you’d immediately dismiss that contractor, since they’d be rushing through a process that shouldn’t be rushed through.
We tend to rush through our romantic relationships like a contractor seeking to build a house in three weeks.
The beginning of a relationship is where you first encounter truths about the other person that will either draw you closer to them or draw you away from them. This is not a process that should ever be rushed. You need ample time to evaluate whether your date is compatibility with you. Rushing through this process increases your chance of being with someone you have no business being with.
You shouldn’t think it’s a good idea to rush something you want to last a long time.
I’ve been the dude who has rushed through relationships. I have kissed a girl before the first date and I also asked that same girl to be my girlfriend on our first date. We moved faster than me when I see someone offering me free food. I was such an idiot. That was five years ago and I’ve learned my mistakes and hope you don’t make the same mistake I did.
I learned that rushing a relationship, especially the physical side, skewed my perception of her. I had my doubts whether she was a good fit for me, but I didn’t have these doubts when I was kissing her. I thought the feeling I had kissing her meant that all my doubts were meaningless. However, hindsight shows me that I was mistaking lust for love, which happens all the time in relationships. If only I didn’t rush things, I’d have seen the many red flags.
Another thing I learned was that rushing through a relationship shows your goal for the relationship is misguided. Rushing implies you’re in a hurry to get to somewhere else. In friendship, you’re rushing to dating. In dating, you’re rushing to a “Facebook official” relationship. In relationship, you’re rushing to marriage. This shouldn’t’ be the outline for our relationships.
Our goal shouldn’t be achieving a new relationship badge (“dating”, “boyfriend”, etc.). Instead, our goal should be time spent together.
I know that sounds simple, but it’s crucial. Your goal should be soaking up each moment with the other person. When you rush through a relationship, you’re missing moments, which could have been beautiful memories.
Like I said, I have a history with being the dude who moves fast, but that was five years ago. I’d like to think I’ve learned from my mistakes. I recently started a relationship with a remarkable girl and I’m doing all the things I’ve written in this blog. And it’s been incredible.
When I asked her out on our first date, I remember thinking that I really wanted to be her boyfriend. However, after a few fun-filled dates with her, I quickly let go of my pressing urge to be her boyfriend. Sure, I wanted to be her boyfriend, but I really just wanted to be with her. I wanted to make her laugh, hear about her day, and remind her just how special she is. I didn’t care whether that was as the dude dating her or as her boyfriend. I wanted my full attention on each moment with her, instead of future moments with her. The here and now with her is full of enough joy to leave me completely satisfied.
I’m not rushing anywhere, except to be by her side.
There is beauty in all stages of a romantic relationship (i.e. friends, dating, relationship, marriage).
Each stage is beautiful and no stage is more beautiful than any other stage.
Rushing through a relationship will make you be prone to more mistakes, overlook red flags, and miss out on special memories you could have had.
We should enjoy each moment, instead of rushing to future moments.
That’s why you shouldn’t’ rush your romantic relationship.