Marriage is a huge part of one’s life. Your relationship with your spouse will be the most intimate relationship you will experience outside of your relationship with Jesus. Many are excited for marriage and some even would like to be married today. They want their singleness to be over and their marriage to begin, but this is not smart. Singleness prepares you for marriage, since you should be developing yourself into someone who will have a good marriage. This blog addresses what single people should be doing to prepare for marriage.
Work on your relationship with Jesus
The most important relationship you will have is your relationship with Jesus Christ. It is through this relationship that you will learn who you need to be to have a lasting, fulfilling, and vibrant marriage. Jesus will show you how to live and how to love. Keep near Him and you will become who you were created to be.
Your marriage will not be about you. True love is putting someone else’s interests over your own. The Apostle Paul explicitly says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil. 2:4). In your future marriage, you will “become one” with someone. This means you will no longer be considered an individual, but instead a couple (1 Cor. 7:4). You will have a responsibility to your spouse to put their needs above your own. You can practice being selflessness now to prepare for your marriage. Live for those around you. Doing this will set you up for success in your marriage.
Don’t look at porn.
Porn distorts your expectations for sex. Porn sex is not real sex. The sex you see on the screen is not the sex you will experience in the sheets. The more you watch porn and learn from it, the greater the obstacles you will face when you finally experience real sex. Don’t believe a lie, but instead wait for the truth. Purity > lust.
Don’t believe Hollywood’s conception of love.
Hollywood says falling in love is the solution to all their problems, true love also requires no work, and they will live “happily ever after”. These are the elements of a fairy-tale. However, marriage is no fairy-tale. It is a beautiful thing, but it’s not what Hollywood paints it as.
In marriage, you will have to put in work. You will encounter countless problems, because you don’t put two imperfect people into a one marriage and expect a perfect marriage. You have problems, they have problems. The purpose of marriage is to prepare us for Heaven. Each spouse is meant to walk alongside each other and motivate them to become the person God has destined them to be. This is a heart-warming picture, yet it will be no cake walk. It will be hard and Hollywood misses this reality.
Learn to love the unlovable
Your future spouse will not always be lovable. There will be days when they will not want to watch your television shows, they will leave the toilet seat up (Sorry, future wife), they will say that one thing that always gets you angry, and the list goes on and on.
The point is that you will marry an imperfect person. They will bug you and it won’t be cute either. In the beginning of a relationship, you will gloss over all these imperfections, since you have falling for them, yet when you stop falling and you finally land, you will be aware of their imperfections. Your love will get you through this, since everyone has imperfections, but some days you will find it harder to love them than other days.
While you’re single, learn to love the unlovable people in your life. Love the gossip at work, the debater in your family, and the quick-tempered person at your church. Increasing your capacity to love will help your love in your marriage.
You can’t just run from your problems. You need to be able to handle conflict in an proper way. You can bet that in your future marriage you will have conflict. You will have to handle conflict correctly. Countless marriage fall apart because they’re unable to handle their conflict. You can’t run from problems, act like there are no problems, or even blame others for things.
You need to currently handle conflict correctly to handle conflict better in your future marriage.
A pillar of your marriage will be trust. You can’t trust a dishonest person. In marriage, you need to be completely honest with your spouse. If you can’t trust someone, then you shouldn’t marry ether. Practice honestly now to prepare you to be the honest partner your future spouse deserves.
Letting our guard down can be scaring. We might have been hurt in the past and we think that we’re destined to be hurt again. So, we don’t want to open up, but you will have to be open with your spouse. You should not withhold anything from them. God gave you your spouse to walk along you in this life to help you, but they can’t help you if you don’t allow them in.
C.S Lewis said it best:
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
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