Love is a beautiful thing, especially the love that exists within a joyous marriage. It warms our hearts seeing old couples still madly in love. The joy of witnessing this love is heighten when we realize the rarity of this love. Most marriages end in divorce, so long-lasting marriages seem to be a thing of the past.
However, these marriages remind us that true love does exist. Everyone likes to know what the secret is to a happy and long marriage, so I asked my grandparents. They’ve been married for 53 years and I’ve never seen a more beautiful love. The following insights are their keys to a happy and healthy marriage.
Think in the “we”, not in the “I”.
When you’re in a marriage, you have to stop thinking mainly of your own interests. Instead, you have to put the interests of your spouse above your own. You have to live to please them, instead of living to please yourself. My grandpa said that each spouse needs to do whatever they can to make the other’s life better, and vice versa. The guy is putting her needs above his own and the girl is putting his needs about her own. This will solve lots of problems and this will only build a deeper connection within the marriage.
Learn how to deal with problems
Discussions are good, but arguments are bad. Work your problems out without angry. Angry won’t solve anything, instead angry will only make things more complicated. If you’re consumed by angry, then find a outlet to defuse your angry. My grandpa said that watering the lawn was his outlet. My grandma joked that she always thought that he was being such a good husband when he did this, but only later did she find out that this was him getting away from her. Haha.
Find a solution to your problem that you both can live with. Having the ability to compromise is a mark of a healthy marriage. It’s not just about making you happy, but instead it’s about making each other happy. Lastly, don’t go to bed angry. My grandparents always made sure to settle the dispute before they went to bed. Life is too short to be angry at those you love.
Guys, chivalry isn’t dead.
My grandpa said it’s the guy’s duty to honor and protect women, especially his spouse. This isn’t just about opening doors and paying the bill. That’s the boy version of chivalry. Opening doors and paying the bill only honors her physically. True chivalry is about honoring her not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. My grandpa doesn’t think that honoring is something only the man does, but he just thinks “men” these days don’t exemplify this truth as much as they should.
Know your weaknesses and strengths, so that you don’t blame her for the things that you’re actually doing. You will make mistakes. Being able to admit these mistakes with solve many disputes before they even start. Don’t waste time arguing when you could use that time enjoying each other. Time is precious and seek to spend your time wisely.
Your love will change and grow.
We all have heard of “the honeymoon phrase” of a marriage. The honeymoon phase is in the beginning of a romantic relationship, when you seem to never have a disagreement and everything is just rosy. However, this phase is just that, a phase. As my grandma said, “Your love will change”. It’s no longer the “woah” (her words) love, but instead something deeper comes into play.
When my grandma said it’s no longer the “woah” love, my grandfather politely interrupted her and said, “I don’t know about all that. I still think you’re the prettiest girl in the world”.
Smooth move, Grandpa. Haha.
My grandma smiled, then my grandpa agreed with what she was saying. The popular relationship book “The Love Language” reaffirms what my grandma said.
Your love will change, but that doesn’t mean your love will stop. Instead, as my grandma said, your love will become more precious and deepen over time. You have all these memories (years of marriage, kids, grandkids, great grandkids, etc.) that you have both shared together and those memories become a real part of your relationship. You have all this beautiful history that only stretches your love. Your love will change, but for the better.
Never miss an opportunity to say, “I love you”.
My grandparents have made it a practice to end every day with telling each other that they love each other. Those three little words pack a lot of meaningful content. Love heals many wounds. There is never a day where “I love you” wouldn’t make the day better.
In your 53-years-old of marriage, what was the best date?
They both leaned back and began to search their minds for what was their best date. After about 30 seconds, my grandma spoke up and said, “There’s not just one date. The best dates were just when I was with grandpa. I just wanted to be with him. I didn’t care where we went, what we did, as long as I did it all with him”. My grandpa smiled and agreed.
Do you have any good marital advice or have you heard any good marital advice?
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