God wants us to have pure thoughts and pure actions, which involves not having sex until you have a lifelong commitment to the other person (i.e. marriage). Everyone fails at keeping this kind of purity (Romans 3:23). Some people find it more difficult than others, but, regardless, this is difficult for everyone.
I’ve read a lot of sexual purity books. I’ve learned many helpful things, but I’ve also encountered troubling things. Pro-abstinence campaigns do a lot of good, but they also do some bad.
These pro-abstinence campaigns often make those who’ve had premarital sex feel shamed or worthless.
My hope and prayer is that this post will be comforting to those who have had premarital sex.
Just because you’ve had premarital sex doesn’t make you less holy than a “virgin”.
Jesus makes you clean by His death and resurrection, so that you aren’t dirty or impure. You aren’t worthless to Jesus. His forgiveness is real.
Pro-abstinence campaigns motivate young people to save sex for marriage through many teaching methods, but often these methods indirectly ridicule those who have had premarital sex. If you don’t have sex till marriage, you have a wonderful gift to give to your spouse. However, if you’ve had premarital sex, you don’t have a gift to give (or at least that’s what these campaigns indirectly communicate). They allege that you squandered that gift in a moment of passion.
If you’ve had premarital sex, then please understand that you haven’t lost your purity. Your purity isn’t based on what you do or don’t do, but instead your purity is based on what Jesus did (i.e. dying for your sins).
“Messing up” doesn’t make you lose your purity. The grace and love of God remains on you always, even after you “mess up”. Also, you’re not less holy than your “sexually pure” friends.
It’s been said, “True love waits”. This is a beautiful message. This gives hope to people like myself, who are trying to abstain from sex till their wedding night. However, there is more about true love that must be said.
Your future spouse won’t hold your sexual sins against you. They won’t fall out of love with you when you tell them that you’ve had premarital sex. True love forgives.
Your wedding will be one of the best days of both of your lives. You both will feel incredibly lucky to spend the rest of your lives with each other. They won’t feel disappointed about marrying you since you “messed up”. Also, the fact that you’ve had sex before won’t make you have no gift to give on your wedding day. You will have a beautiful gift to give your spouse: yourself.
Personally, I haven’t had sex yet. My hope and prayer is that I don’t have sex till my marriage. My main motivation for saving sex for marriage isn’t Jesus, but actually my future wife. I want to learn to be faithful to her, even before I meet her. However, I honestly don’t care if she’s had premarital sex.
I know some people really care about it, but I’m not one of them. I’ve actually dated girls who I knew had sex. I care more about what she’s doing now than what she’s done in the past. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. I’m not the only person who feels this same way. I know countless girls/guys who feel the same way.
You’re forgiven, not tainted.
Your Savior defines you, not your sins.
Your purity is based on your Savior, not yourself.
Your future spouse will forgive you like your Forever Savior.