Make her feel beautiful even when she doesn’t feel it.

Hazel Grace was required to wear nasal cannulas because, in own her words, her “lungs sucked at being lungs.”

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These death tubes made her feel unattractive and reminded her that her days were numbered. However, Augustus Waters looked at her in a way that made her feel beautiful. He never missed an opporunity to remind her that she was beautiful. 

Every girl has their own nasal cannulas, which make them feel unattractive. Their nasal cannulas might be their weight, their height, their skin, their teeth, or whatever else makes them feel undesirable. A guy should never miss an opportunity to compliment her. Gus even complimented the color of Hazel’s shirt. He loved making her feel special and loved. That should be the goal of every guy.

Be straight forward

Hazel Grace asked Gus, “Why are you looking at me like that?” Gus happily responded, “Because you’re beautiful.” Gus said exactly how he felt. He explained his rationale by saying, “I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things.” Girls like this, too. If you like her, tell her you want to go on a date, not that you want to hang out. Be straight forward.

Also, plan out your dates. Don’t show up and ask her, “So, what do you want to do?” Plan the date or don’t go on the date. After meeting her at a support group, Gus asks Hazel out. The brother was as straight forward as they come! Girls don’t want to play the guessing game of whether you like them or not. Be straight forward.

Ask good questions

Gus always had a good question to ask Hazel. For example, she was used to telling her cancer story, but Gus asked, “What’s your real story?” This showed Hazel that he was truly interested in getting to know her. He also asked good questions about her favorite book. He not only wanted to know what she loved, but also why she loved these things. Asking good questions shows the level and depth of your interest.

Call her

Texting is convenient, but it’s also impersonal. You text words. She is dating you, not your words. We try to add emoticons to make up for the impersonality of it, but, much to our dismay, texting sill remains robotic. This is why calling is better. They get to her your voice, how you say what you say, and you feel their presence so much more. Read how Hazel explained how calling Gus was like:

I almost felt like he was there in my room with me, but in a way it was better, like I was not in my room and he was not in his, but instead we were together in some invisible and tenuous third space.

Does that sound better than a text? Of course it does.

Get her flowers

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This “old-fashioned” gesture needs to fashion itself back into our culture. It’s simple, but it also says a lot. Gus got Hazel flowers. You get a sense of how much this meant to her when she decided where to put them:

If we’d put them in a vase in the living room, they would have been everyone’s flowers. I wanted them to be my flowers.

She wanted the flowers all to herself. They were special to her since the flowers reminded her that she was special to Gus. Good job, Gus. Take note, guys.

Charm her parents

The girl you’re dating is who she is, in large part, to her parents. A guy should try to show her parents that he will treat their daughter right. Gus did this by charming them. He was a gentlemen to them, talked sports with her dad, and, most of all, he allowed them to see how he treated their little girl.

The mom was there when Grace walked out in her stunning dress before their Amsterdam date and saw Gus look astonished at her beauty and tell Grace, “You look gorgeous.” These things makes a mom’s heart smile. The dad was there when Gus waited in the hospital waiting room, which how much Gus loved his daughter.

A guy should make an effort to show her parents that he will treat their daughter like a queen.

Do more than simply telling her that you love her.

It’s easy to say you love someone, but it’s quite another story to show them. Words have their place, but they also have their limit. If you don’t back up what you say, then don’t say it. Gus showed Hazel that he loved her by waiting hours in the waiting room, even though he wasn’t allowed in to see her, since he was not family. He also showed his love by remembering that Hazel was a vegetarian, even though she only said this once. Gus constantly was showing Hazel that she was important to her through his actions.

Listening is a big way to show her that you care. Also, allow her to vent to you about her awful day. And let her cry on your shoulder. These little things mean the world to girls. Don’t just say you love her, but also show it.

Put the phone away

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When Gus was with Hazel, he wasn’t texting or fiddling around on his phone. Instead, he was paying attention to her. He didn’t need anything besides her. He didn’t need to check the score of the Pacer’s game and he didn’t need to text his friend Isaac. All he desired was Hazel Grace. She was center stage. The spotlight was all hers.

Guys, let’s turn off our phones. It’s rude to be on your phone when someone is talking to you, especially if you’re on a date. You should have some manners. If you aren’t completely captivated by her, then stay home. She deserves a guy who loves her enough to pay attention to her.

Be yourself

The thing that made Augustus Waters great was that he was truly himself. He didn’t care about being anybody other than himself. For example, his cigarette metaphor was quirky and strange, but it was also Augustus Waters. The way he said, “Hazel Grace” was an Augustus Waters thing to do. He was himself and it was perfect. However, here is the plot twist, you shouldn’t be like Augustus Waters.

You can’t be Augustus Waters, but you can be yourself. Tell her what you feel, not what Gus said. Don’t change who you are to get who you want. Telling a lie is bad, but living a lie is also bad. Don’t be afraid to do what you want and say how you honestly feel. Be yourself.


How do you think guys could be more like Augustus Waters?

Leave your comment below

Jordan Kranda
Follower of Jesus. Husband to Ariel. Master’s of Theology (Greek Track) Graduate. Future Pastor. Present lover of cheese, Blink-182, & watching sports.

14 COMMENTS

  1. How can guys be more like Augustus Waters?
    Well guys can’t simply be more like Augustus Waters as there is only one Augustus Waters in this entire universe and he is unfortunately dead.

  2. How are boys supposed to be themselves, if they are mean? That’s specifically what i searched. No offence, but the last one, was not true. Boys think with their penis.

  3. I love this blog Jordan. It could also be for us who are married. My wife and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage in April. My wife is my one true love. I love her each and every day. I want to show my daughter how a man should love a woman. My daughter read The Fault in Our Stars this summer and I read it, too. I loved the book. I can’t wait to see the movie.

  4. I absolutely love this!!! I’d also point out that when Augustus told Hazel how he really felt about her and she friend zoned him, he didn’t move on. He kept pursuing her–and even when he wasn’t pursuing her he wasn’t off chasing other girls while claiming he was in love with Hazel. In other words, he wasn’t just looking for the easiest target. Girls can tell when guys are doing that.

  5. It’s sad that boys in this generation has no idea how to treat his girl friend,… I hope that someday they would be more mature and grow up and treat his girl like a princess not a toy….

  6. I, as a man, thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I’m about to get married and can still use this advice. Thank you Jordan, well done sir.

  7. I would also add in – aside from treating a girl like a queen – treating her with utmost respect. Other than that, I 102% love this.

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